WRITTEN BY SARAH RYLAND

Infertility. It’s kind of a gross word. But after “trying” for a few years, it gets thrown around and becomes a bit of a hefty backpack you carry with you.

It’s a personal subject but at the same time, it does need to be talked about. Obviously if and when you’re ready to, but I’ve found even just accessing information around fertility, is insanely challenging.

It’s wild to me that fertility is such a specialised healthcare service. There are countless people out there experiencing frustrations and unbelievable heartache. It’s a tough road, but personally I think the healthcare system could do a better job of educating us, and providing better services.

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Over the last year, I’ve been to gynecologists and fertility specialists, and IT IS DRAINING.

First of all, if you talk to your GP, they’re going to ask you how long you’ve been trying for. If you haven’t been trying for at least a year, they’ll probably look at you patronisingly, and tell you to keep trying. Like it’s a game you’re failing at.

Because we’d been trying for a couple of years at that point, our next step was to see a gynecologist. Both my husband and I completed a series of tests including bloodwork and for my husband, a semen analysis. I also had a Hysterosalpingogram.

This is a diagnostic test also known as uterosalpingography. It’s a radiologic procedure used to investigate the shape of the uterine cavity, and the shape and patency of the Fallopian tubes. Essentially they flush the fallopian tubes out with saline and bubbles, by placing a long tube with a tiny balloon on the end into the uterus. While this is happening, they do an ultrasound. If they can see bubbles going through your tubes it’s a good sign they’re not blocked. They can’t see everything though. It’s sort of like a blocked pipe.. water might flow through, but there could still be build ups inside.

It can be quite an uncomfortable procedure, as well as an expensive one ($800.00 NZD which seems rude considering it’s not 100% exact, and it’s fairly invasive). It takes about an hour to complete, and basically feels like really intense period cramps. Yay. Health insurance also doesn’t tend to cover much of any fertility treatments.

All of our results came back “normal” however, with the Hysterosalpingogram, It’s hard to say for sure.

We were then referred to ‘The Fertility Associates’ (who are based in Christchurch). We’re based in Nelson which makes things a little trickier.

During our appointment, we spoke to a doctor who looked at all of our results. Because they can’t find a specific reason as to why we haven’t conceived yet, and because we haven’t been trying for longer than 5 years, this means we’re not eligible for public funding.

There’s a points system here in New Zealand. So because we haven’t racked up enough points, they want us to spend a small fortune.

Here’s the wild part.. The doctor told us that if we were to just “keep trying” we would only have a 5% chance of conceiving. I have no idea where that number comes from considering they have no scientific reason to believe that anything is physically inhibiting us?

There were two other options she talked about. There’s an IUI, which is basically insemination, and would need to be performed in either Christchurch or Wellington. It’s also a little time sensitive, and may require you to drop everything and fly to one of those locations immediately.

A positive is that I would be able to do this while my husband is away. He works away from home weeks at a time which also unfortunately cuts our trying time in half. The cost of an IUI cycle is just under $2,000.00 NZD, and would give us a 15% chance of conceiving.

The other option she talked about and ultimately pushed for was IVF. We’ve all heard of that one right!? IVF can be really hard on your body and can leave you with some pretty uncomfortable side effects. Some women do find that it’s not as bad as they thought it would be though. They say it depends on the person, but I personally haven’t experienced it so I can only go by research.

You do have to inject yourself for two weeks prior to your appointment. The hardest part is that if you’re not eligible for public funding (like us), it’s going to cost you a minimum of $13,650.00 NZD with the costs of any extra required tests on top of that. They say it will give you a 45% chance of conceiving, which still sucks but is obviously much higher than the alternatives.

The thing that really gets me, is that the appointment cost us $320.00 NZD, to hear information that I personally believe should be public knowledge. If I can relay it to you here, why can’t a GP give you that information? I am in no way a fertility specialist, so please do consult your GP, but I wanted to give you an insight into how unfair the system can feel, and to let you know that you’re not alone.

Considering more than 70,000 IVF treatment cycles are performed in Australia and New Zealand every year, and almost 60 thousand births a year in New Zealand, something seems off.

As soon as you have a couple of years of trying under your belt, and your age pushes past that 30 mark, in my experience, it feels like IVF becomes this rude awakening that gets pushed on you. As if the mental side of all this isn’t hard enough. Every single month becomes hopeful and then later turns into a disappointing cycle.

Not to mention the everyday social pressure we’re dealing with. We’re always getting asked “When are you going to have kids?”. FYI, file that under “Things not to ask anyone ever”. It seems like a no brainer, but it’s definitely still being asked. It’s no ones business for a start, but it can also be triggering. Some doctors and fertility specialists could 100% up their sensitivity gauges too.

Personally, I’m happy to talk about my journey when I’m in a good head space, but some people prefer not to talk about it, and that’s ok. I hear you, it’s painful! But if I can at least shed a little bit of light on what i’ve experienced, maybe it will be helpful for someone.

Please also know that I asked my husband if he’d be comfortable with me sharing our journey with you, and I have had his permission. Like I said, It’s a personal subject, and it’s important that he feels heard and has a say in this as well as me.

Please do feel free to get in touch if you’d like to! I am all for being part of a supportive community, and would love to know if anyone feels the same as we do!

Sarah.

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