Fertility.

Infertility. It’s kind of a gross word. But after “trying” for a few years, it gets thrown around and becomes a bit of a hefty backpack you carry with you.

It’s a personal subject but at the same time, it does need to be talked about. Obviously if and when you’re ready to, but I’ve found even just accessing information around fertility, is super challenging.

It’s wild to me that fertility is such a specialised healthcare service. There are countless people out there experiencing similar frustrations to us, as well as unbelievable heartache. It’s a tough road, but personally I think the healthcare system could do a better job of educating us, and providing better services.

I put it off for so long too because I wasn’t ‘ready’, and there’s a certain level of blame I put on myself for that. Silly I know, but I do also believe in timing, and I don’t feel that ultimately all hope is lost. We do have options, but I also don’t want to discount the toughness of this experience. It’s hard.

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Over the last year, I’ve been to gynecologists and fertility specialists, and IT IS DRAINING.

First of all, if you talk to your GP, they’re going to ask you how long you’ve been trying for. If you haven’t been trying for at least a year, they’ll probably tell you to keep trying. Like it’s a game you’re failing at.

Because we’d been trying for a couple of years at that point, our next step was to see a gynecologist. Both my husband and I completed a series of tests including bloodwork, ultrasounds and for my husband, a semen analysis. I also had a Hysterosalpingogram.

This is a diagnostic test also known as uterosalpingography. It’s a radiologic procedure used to investigate the shape of the uterine cavity, and the shape and patency of the Fallopian tubes. Essentially they flush the fallopian tubes out with saline and bubbles, by placing a long tube with a tiny balloon on the end into the uterus. While this is happening, they do an ultrasound. If they can see bubbles going through your tubes it’s a good sign they’re not blocked. They can’t see everything though. It’s sort of like a blocked pipe.. water might flow through, but there could still be build ups inside.

It can be quite an uncomfortable procedure, as well as an expensive one ($800.00 NZD which seems rude considering it’s not 100% exact, and it’s fairly invasive). It takes about an hour to complete, and basically feels like really intense period cramps. Yay. Health insurance also doesn’t tend to cover much of any fertility treatments.

All of our results came back “normal” however, with the Hysterosalpingogram, It’s hard to say for sure.

We were then referred to ‘The Fertility Associates’ (who are based in Christchurch). We’re based in Nelson which makes things a little trickier.

During our appointment, we spoke to a doctor who looked at all of our results. Because they can’t find a specific reason as to why we haven’t conceived yet, and because we haven’t been trying for longer than 5 years, this means we’re not eligible for public funding.

There’s a points system here in New Zealand. So because we haven’t racked up enough points, they want us to spend a small fortune.

Here’s the wild part.. The doctor told us that if we were to just “keep trying” we would only have a 5% chance of conceiving. I have no idea where that number comes from considering they have no scientific reason to believe that anything is physically inhibiting us?

There were two other options she talked about. There’s an IUI, which is basically insemination, and would need to be performed in either Christchurch or Wellington. It’s also a little time sensitive, and may require you to drop everything and fly to one of those locations immediately.

A positive is that I would be able to do this while my husband is away. He works away from home weeks at a time which also unfortunately cuts our trying time in half. The cost of an IUI cycle is just under $2,000.00 NZD, and would give us a 15% chance of conceiving. Again, where is that percentage coming from?

The other option she talked about and ultimately pushed for was IVF. We’ve all heard of that one right!? IVF can be really hard on your body and can leave you with some pretty uncomfortable side effects. Some women find that it’s not as bad as they thought it would be, and some find it awful. I personally haven’t experienced it so I can only go by research.

You do have to inject yourself for two weeks prior to your appointment. The hardest part is that if you’re not eligible for public funding (like us), it’s going to cost you a minimum of $13,650.00 NZD with the costs of any extra required tests on top of that. They say it will give you a 45% chance of conceiving, which still sucks but is obviously much higher than the alternatives.

The thing that really gets me, is that the appointment cost us $320.00 NZD, to hear information that I personally believe should be public knowledge. I would love to know why a GP can’t give you that information?

Obviously I am in no way a fertility specialist, so please do consult your GP, but I wanted to talk about how unfair the system can feel, and if you’re also experiencing it, to let you know that you’re not alone.

Considering more than 70,000 IVF treatment cycles are performed in Australia and New Zealand every year, and almost 60 thousand births a year in New Zealand, something seems off.

As soon as you have a couple of years of trying under your belt, and your age pushes past that 30 mark, in my experience, it feels like IVF becomes this rude awakening that gets pushed on you. As if the mental side of all this isn’t hard enough. Every single month becomes hopeful and then later turns into a disappointing cycle.

Not to mention the everyday social pressures we’re dealing with. We’re always getting asked “When are you going to have kids?”. FYI, file that under “Things not to ask anyone ever”. It seems like a no brainer, but it’s definitely still being asked. It’s no ones business for a start, but it can also be triggering. Some doctors and fertility specialists could 100% up their sensitivity gauges too.

Personally, I’m happy to talk about my journey when I’m in a good head space, but some people prefer not to talk about it, and that’s ok. I hear you, it’s painful. But if I can at least shed a little bit of light on what I’ve experienced, maybe it will be helpful for someone.

Please also know that I asked my husband if he’d be comfortable with me sharing our journey with you, and I have had his permission. Like I said, It’s a personal subject, and it’s important that he feels heard and has a say in this as well as me.

Feel free to get in touch if you’d like to! I am all for being part of a supportive community, and would love to know if anyone feels the same as we do!

Sarah.

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Understanding the Value of a Professional Photographer

Every photographer gets the question "Can I have the Original unedited images? Just in case I need them? I want to to have a go at editing them myself". 

Hands up if you've done this. It's sort of human nature really, we often think we can do better than the next person. The short answer to this question is no, but I wanted to help you understand why. Every now and then I find myself absolutely livid about a situation, but once I understand the reasons as to why things haven't happened the way I want them to, I realise I need to take a chill pill. 

I'm going to show you some of my images completely unedited in comparison to their final edits.  By the end of this read, you'll realise how much you don't even want the unedited images.

I don't just say no to this question because I'm being a mean old lass. I promise I'm not just holding on to that one perfect photo. Why would that benefit me?

You may already be familiar with the terms RAW and JPG. If not, these are file types. Basically, JPGs are what you use to upload to Facebook, Instagram, Websites, or what you get printed. RAW files are what come straight out of my camera. They hold a lot more information, including a significantly larger amount of colour and texture details in the shadow and highlight areas. To even be able to open these files, software like Photoshop or Lightroom are required. If I sent them to you as they came out of my camera, you couldn't do anything with them without running them through a special software.

Every professional photographer shoots RAW because having all that information is key. The thing is, RAW photos that come straight from the camera generally look sub-par. They're flat with bad contrast and dull colours. Until the image is edited, the image isn't finished, and that's by design.

A RAW image is a carpenter having a wood shop full of tools and materials to create whatever he wants. A JPG is buying a table at the store, you either like it as it is, or you don't, but there's nothing you can do about it.

My editing style is a key component to my work. My skills as a photographer involves so much more than just editing like framing, timing, lighting and a pile of other skills - including the creative thinking and planning that happens before an image is even shot.

The image isn't the finished artwork that I'm proud to put my name on until the editing is complete. You don't put a load of washing on and stop it half way through to get dressed in your soapy wet clothes. 

The before and after images you're seeing here are what represent me as an artist. They're the quality I want people to expect when they hire me.

What about the images you never see?

These are the ones with the hair in your face, closed eyes, and blurry. There's also a lot of duplicates (so many freaking duplicates). For every image you receive, there will seriously be dozens that are ever so slightly different and a just little bit less good. Part of my editing job is to spend a good slice of time doing side by side comparisons until I find the absolute best variations.

If I have two different images that are both awesome, I'll never just give you one. The whole point of the culling process is to bring the best possible images to life, and minimise the excess. Do you really want to look through 5000 images that all look pretty much the same?

It’s my job to deliver a professional high quality body of work to you. Meaning - images that document and reflect what happened on the day. There will always be a few images in there that you might think look like outtakes e.g. pulling funny faces or having a good laugh. These are the images that create the character and real authenticity of the gallery. “Professional” doesn’t mean all straight faces and no fun.

We will always have a plan of action in place before shoot day. This will include expectations, time frames, number of images required, locations, equipment needed etc. All depending on the project of course. It’s my responsibility as a Photographer to make sure these things are clear and understood by the client. My pricing has been developed to incorporate all the key aspects of a shoot. Including the final number of images to be delivered, usage/licensing, time spent editing, and hours spent on location. Sometimes life happens and images can’t be delivered as fast as expected, or maybe the images need to be delivered to a quicker deadline. The best way to make sure everyone is kept in the loop is simple - communicate throughout the process.

Why should you trust me to choose the best images?

Put it down to the thousands of hours I’ve spent looking at photos and learning the difference between great and not so great. If I sent you 5,000 average images you would not be stoked. It’s also part of why you hired me. You shouldn’t have to do the tedious sorting work for me. Some jobs will obviously require a little more client input. All I’m saying is, once I’ve made my selections, edited and sent everything through, asking for the unedited images is unnecessary.

You need to choose your photographer because you’re in love with their style. Don’t hire a photographer because their pricing is more attractive, and expect them to deliver anything other than what they have available on their online platforms. Look at their website, their Facebook, Instagram. Definitely don't re-edit on top of your photographers edits. No adding the old Instagram filters either! You may as well be saying you'd just like to change a few things on the Mona Lisa. Another reason to really do your research. What are they posting? Do you like their editing style? Is this the type of imagery you want? If it is, great! If not, find someone who’s work is more up your alley. When you do find a photographer you love, trust them.

This is a hard topic for a lot of people, but usually it can be dealt with fairly easily by communicating expectations before your shoot. Nobody wants to disappoint anyone. My hope is just that maybe I can give you a deeper understanding of a photographer's point of view.

Trust the process! We're all in this together.

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